Beat the Bands

"My Dad Is Dead"

"Jason's Gay Haircut"

"Men Without Underwear"

"Half Man Half Biscuit"

"Trotsky Ice Pick"

This week's contest: Once, rock band names were wholesome if dippy ("Vinnie Delpupo and the Del-Tonics"). Then they became self- consciously cute ("The Raspberry Pillow"). Finally, a few years ago, they began getting intriguingly bizarre. Seditious. Obnoxious. Idiotic, yet somehow strangely ... idiotic.

Every name above belongs to a real band. But you can come up with better ones, can't you? Go ahead, weird us out.

First-prize winner will receive a selection of really obscure tapes by real groups with infantile names, a value of nearly $50. Runners-up will get the coveted "Style Invitational" loser's T- shirt. As always, winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 7, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, April 26. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week Five, in which you were invited to come up with funny federal legislation based on the real names of congresspersons:

We at the Style Invitational are nothing if not arrogant. For example, we are outraged that Columbia University snubbed us this week by not awarding us the Pulitzer Prize for Public Service. Still, we must admit to being uncharacteristically humbled by your 3,400 entries to this contest. They were so clever we had to create two sets of winners and runners-up, distributed over two weeks. This is Week One.

Good Ideas, But Too Bad Everyone Else Had Them, Too: Dunn-Deal, Carr-Bumpers, Mink-Coats, Penny-Wise, Sharp-Payne, Unsoeld-Wheat, Robb-Rockefeller, Wise-King-Solomon, and Hamburg-Hoekstra-Pickle.

And now, the Week 1 winners:

++ Fifth Runner-Up: The Green-Cardin-Spector Illegal Aliens Act (Rick von Behren, Glenn Dale)

++ Fourth Runner-Up: The Watt-D'Amato-McHugh Voter Apathy Act (Stuart A. Segal, Vienna)

++ Third Runner-Up: The Boren-Gordon-Lightfoot-Crapo Easy Listening Abolition Act. (Ed VanderPloeg and Bob Vietrogoski, Centreville)

++

Second Runner-Up: The Sawyer-Bumpers Ban on Public Breast Feeding (Clarence Coo, Alexandria)

++

First Runner-Up: The Traficant-DeLay-Akaka Roadside Port-A-Pot Act (Carole and Stephanie Dix, Gaithersburg)

And the Winner of the Whoopie Cushion and Other Revolting Novelty Items:

++

The Watt-Eshoo-Dunn-Furse-Leahy Pork Barrel Protection Act (Carol Vance, Washington) And Honorable Mentions:

++

The Exon-Dunn-Kildee-Byrd-Fish Environmental Impact Study (Wernher Baussus, Reston)

++

The Paxon-Wallop Alcohol Content Standards Act (Jennifer Mazarr, Arlington)

++ The Murtha-Washington Memorial Resolution to Establish Official Presidential Spousal Duties (Ellen Nestos, Alexandria)

The Wise-Buyer-Rangel-Olver-Price Free Trade Agreement (Tom and Debbie Shatten, Pittsburgh, Pa.)

++ The Brown-Snowe Pooper-Scooper Law (Steven Rettinger, Potomac)

++

++

The Pickle-Dorgan Transplant Regulatory Act (Carol Vance, Washington)

++

The Robb-Petri Vintage TV Act and the Kohl-Swett Blind Date Regulatory Act (Robin Rogoff Star, Rockville)

++

The Doolittle-Dickey-Duncan Sex Education Act (Mary Edwards, Dale City)

++

The Eshoo-Blute Anti-Conspiracy Law (Joan Bobchek, Fredericksburg)

The Deal-Meehan Congressional Reform Act (Paul Elstein, Columbia)

The Young-Studds-Moseley-Braun Anabolic Steroids Decriminalization Act (Tom and Debbie Shatten, Pittsburgh, Pa.)

++ The Robb-Regula-Mann Tax Reform Amendment (Jacki Drucker, Arlington)

And last,

++

The Grassley-Knollenberg Presidential Assassination Conspiracy Prevention Act (Harold Mantle, Darnestown)

NEXT WEEK: Part II